10 Critical Moments You Need a Story to Do the Heavy Lifting in Your Career
10 Critical Moments You Need a Story to Do the Heavy Lifting in Your Career
When I was getting certified as a coach, one of the tenets I learned was to avoid colluding with my client about the difficult experiences that might bring them to my door. We were not to collude about their opinion of their boss or coworker or partner. Or what route they thought couldn’t take in their career, even though they desperately wanted to. We should not agree or reinforce what our clients believe to be not possible.
In other words, we should recognize story as story (the “bad”or self-sabotaging kind) and help them write a new story (the good kind).
All well and good. It’s a brilliant tenet. A grounding cornerstone.
All these years later, here comes the one of the “yes, ands.” I feel my first job as a coach is to listen and acknowledge and express empathy. And further, I feel it’s my job to say, hell yes, that’s awful. I hear you. I get it. I see you. And mean it.
For most of human history, the patriarchy has discounted women’s stories.
Our lived experience. We’ve been gaslighted and told what we feel or think or experience is it isn’t true or right or enough. So we learn to default to the dominant (white, male, parental) way of doing ANYTHING. We learn to conform and overdeliver. So we don’t get hurt. Killed. Arrested. Jailed. Ignored. Hid away. Avoided. Unloved.
So what do we do with that? Well, the second tenet was “Yes, and.”
We say, yes, that’s true, and what else might also be true? And where do we go with that? In other words, we look for new, fresh interpretations and possibilities that have some breath and wiggle room and future.
Where I’m going with all of this is to help you see that the story that built you, and the story that is playing out in your work and life right now is pliable. Mutable. And you are the author.
As the author of your story, you get to reframe those self-sabotaging stories so that you can control your narrative and tell new stories that connect people to you and communicate your value, your expertise, your leadership, and your brand promise.
Here are 10 critical moments where story will do the heavy lifting for you:
Networking at an event and answering the question, “so what do you do?”
Interviewing for a new role and answering questions like, “tell me about yourself” or “tell me about a time when…”
Implementing your “influence plan” and telling your manager’s manager about what you’re spending your time doing and the impact of your work.
Teaching and mentoring a report.
Getting buy-in on a course-correction in strategy with peers and decision makers.
Inspiring trust and engagement during a change-management process.
Resolving conflict among team members/coworkers by inviting people to listen to each other’s stories.
Answering the question “why should we promote you?”
Participating on a panel as an expert in your field.
Presenting your research/expertise/philosophy at an industry conference.
All of the examples above require storytelling. (BTW, here’s another post to make sure you really get the difference between a statement of fact and a story that includes fact.)
According to The Story Factor by Annette Simmons, there are six types of stories. I’d like to share them with you so that you can discover possible intersections with the 10 critical moments above. (All quoted text below is from Simmons.)
1: Who Am I?
“Before anyone allows you to influence them, they want to know ‘who are you, and why are you here?’ If you don’t take the time to give positive answers to those questions, they will make up their own answers—usually negative.”
2: Why Am I Here?
“Before you tell someone what’s in it for them, they want to know what’s in it for you.” And if you can create mutual benefit, you’ve found gold.
3: The Vision Stories
AKA, “demonstrating the benefits of buy-in.” Is your vision to sell “cold raw fish that tastes good,” or should you be telling a story about “the sensuality of eating sushi”?
4: Teaching Stories
These are socratic little gems that can help you move from telling people what to do to teaching them how to do it. In addition to the mechanics involved in how, it’s also about the ethic or philosophy behind the how.
5: Values in Action Stories
Our actions certainly convey our values, but “the second-best way is to tell a story that provides an example.” For example, “‘We value integrity’ means nothing. But tell a story about a former employee who hid his mistake and cost the company thousands...and you begin to teach an employee what integrity means.”
6: I Know What You Are Thinking Stories
When you do your homework on your audience, it can make you a bit of a mind reader in terms of anticipating objections. Think about your last salary negotiation. You undoubtedly researched the company, and sleuthed out people on the hiring team. When you landed your number, you likely identified potential roadblocks to that number, and perhaps even possible answers to those roadblocks. But it’s not the facts in your answers that got you to yes, it’s the framing of your story around those facts that sealed the deal.
All of these basic stories are really getting after one fundamental question: Why? Why should I: hire you, promote you, follow you, listen to you, trust you, believe you?
“Story, as it turns out, was crucial to our evolution -- more so than opposable thumbs. Opposable thumbs let us hang on; story told us what to hang on to.” - Lisa Cron, Wired for Story