So the research is in: men get promoted more often on the basis of future potential, and women get promoted on the basis of past performance. 

Reluctance to deal with this minefield issue with directness is something I persistently encounter with the women I coach. And for them, I’m in the habit of writing scripts to get past the brick wall. Comebacks for seeking clarity, defined metrics, and commitment.

Take a look:

HE: I don't think you've demonstrated that you're ready for a promotion to director.

SHE: What do you think is missing in my skillset...my strengths?

HE: It's not about your skills or strengths, you just need more time performing at a consistently high level.

SHE: What is the standard timeline or structure for advancement in this company?

HE: It's not that linear. My job is to track performance and promote on an individual, case by case basis.

SHE: So what metrics do you apply across the board? And what do I need to do for you to say, "yeah, that's it, she's ready"?

HE: Look, there isn't a spot for you right now. Dave just took over as Team Director, so let's just set our sights for doing amazing things this year and we'll revisit during your review.

SHE: I'm happy to do that, but this is an issue of clarity and equity. I am already doing the job of director. I'm hiring and managing the team, running the tests and demos, and you say I'm not ready for the job I'm already doing. What's missing?

(Notice the persistent use of diagnostic, open ended questions anyone? These are the heart and soul of both coaching and interest-based negotiation.)

HE: Look, it’s a pressure cooker of a role. I think you would get trampled. And besides, leadership doesn't really know you.

SHE: That’s curious. You constantly say how I make you look good, so leadership does know me, and if I were going to get trampled, it would have happened by now. So what will it take for you to put some skin in the game for me, and promote me based not only on my performance, which is great, but also on my future potential?

HE: That's a pretty risky proposition. Besides, you've set some pretty audacious goals this year, and I'd like to be sure they'll be met.

SHE: What if I ask you to trust the data, my performance data? And that promoting me is an acknowledgement of my ability to perform at a consistently high level? You know, like Dave. And Jim. I mean, when have I ever demonstrated anything less?

HE: It's not that simple. Trust me.

SHE: I get that it may not be simple, but I'm asking you to trust me. And the data. And to be clear and equitable. There are two open roles that are perfect for me right now and Gina would be a great fit to replace me. And promoting me would do two things right away: make you look good and solve the issues we’re having with launching Product X. I’d like to leave this meeting with your commitment and a timeline."

IS YOUR HAIR ON FIRE YET?

Okay, let's pause there. Here’s what you can do with this script:

Use it like Madlibs and adapt it to your situation. If you still can’t get a commitment, you have a couple of options: 

1. Find an ally/sponsor to advocate on your behalf with your boss and other influencers and decision makers. 

2. Find the exit sign.