When my son was a wee one, we had a little family New Year’s ritual that involved opening the front door, standing at the threshold, and jumping up to let in the new year.

Out with the old, in with the new.

In preparation for the jumping, my husband and I would talk about the year we were letting go. Memories, highlights, gratitudes, and misfires. And then we’d talk about our intentions for the new year. A move, a new job, something we wanted to learn, a friend we wanted to carry more dear.

That Little Ritual Was Weightless

No pondering over a journal for hours and arriving at the jumping moment with iron will. Just a question or two. Breathe in, breathe out. For my son, it was all about the jumping. And the hot chocolate that followed.

I often think of those little moments when I’m coaching women who are at the precipice of change. Adapting to new work environments, dealing with challenging relationships, learning how to lead, deciding whether to stay or go. Each of those moments carries the tension of opposites and, sadly, very little jumping or hot chocolate.

“I want to show up strong and present new ideas and solutions, but I need to tread carefully and understand the culture.”

“I need to tell my colleague how excruciating his gossiping is, but I don’t want to undermine his pain.”

“I love my job, but I don’t see opportunities to make full use of my strengths and skills.”

Notice in Each Sentence that the Joiner is "BUT"

Carl Jung, psychotherapist and coiner of the ideas around “tension of opposites” would say that the two ends of the sentence are the battle between the ego and the unconscious. In other words, “what’s driving me” and “what’s thwarting me.”

So, What if You Replace "BUT" with "AND"?

“I love my job, AND I want to find a way to make full use of my strengths and skills.”

Now, both sides of the sentence have some workability. A little more looseness. Something a little truer. Now you can ask, “What else is true?” or “What’s even more true?” Now your sentence might shift like so:

“My job is a bit predictable, and I want to find ways to make my strengths and skills useful and visible.”

The truer your sentence gets, the more actionable things become.

Jump up, let out the old, invite in the new, and grab your hot chocolate.